Living in no where!

The last few months in the previous year have been so difficult for me. I mean I finished my MA only last year and the result came out in July and in between this time I always felt I am a student still. And this feeling didn't let come some unimaginable facts in front of me so far. Though I am very much pampered in the house and in each and every decision making my views always have been valued and most of the time my POV worked. Yet facts are facts. I have been very much egoistic when it comes to my self-respect and self -reliance. The day I joined the university , I decided that I will handle my own costs. Not like everything but at least this much that I don't have to ask parents now and then. At least this much that if I want something to do for them may be little I could. This much that whatever I do there will be left a space for me that I have done this or that by my own. Well, there was an opportunity to earn some pocket money by teaching little kids in a private institution and this was the cherry on a cake. I took it. It was so amazing as this thing represented my own existence everywhere. As I said I ruled in the house in some ways but Papa never supported me in spending my own money in my educational expenses and this was his rule too, to take all the costs from him and keeping my money for me. It really feels so good when you have the power to do something on your own. Everything went well till I left the job. I left the job for MA exam as it was too tough to manage both. I remained busy in preparing for exams and thinking about the further. Things went well so far, then suddenly I  realized I have to depend on others for some stuff that I used to do by myself earlier. I am not the same anymore. I am not self-reliant anymore. Neither I could tell them what's going on. It's not their problem actually. I think this is very common for all of them who faced a situation like this.  I could have got some other jobs in between this time but my ethics and religious values won't allow me to accept those ever. And I am a blind follower. I may leave things or change decisions if it obstacles my ways of living or affects my religious ethics. Cause I have to choose some halal ways to live halal life. After all, this world doesn't end here. Anyways, I am living in nowhere right now and I don't know till when Allah take the test. But I can't tell this to anyone cause it will sound funny to them including my family. But I will wait and pray for His mercy cause He is the one to whom I completely surrender myself.
Adios people.

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